I'm No Angel
by audhds
Summary: Dean has wound up in an institute after suffering from a mental breakdown, and there he meets Castiel, a man who believes he is an angel. The unlikely duo share a profound bond but with Cas being mentally unstable, terrified,prone to panic attacks and Dean being in denial, things are bound to go wrong. I don't own SN. Hurt!Cas Cas!Whump crazy!Cas crazy!Dean Hurt!Dean
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone! I am so excited for this story so welcome aboard! Supernatural is not mine...YET! *starts planning episodes with lots of topless Jensen, just in case a miracle happens ;) A warning for some swearing, because lets face it, this is Dean we're talking about!**

**So yeah, I decided to write this…based on a very long daydream in a very dull geography lesson! **

**Anyways, I really hope you enjoy this first chapter; I am super excited about the story and hope you are too. Please drop me a review!**

**Chapter 1**

This was ridiculous. Fucking ridiculous. He didn't need to be locked up like some sort of freak, he didn't need to be prodded and poked at like some animal in the zoo. He just wanted to go home, now. Not that he had a home, not really. All Dean wanted was to be anywhere but here, in his Impala, driving as far away from this shit-hole as he possibly could. But that was not currently an option.

_I should not be here; I should so not be here. Stupid dumb asses thinking they can shut me up in this place. I'll show them. I swear to god or whoever the hell is up there that I will kick their asses until they let me out of this hell hole._

At least there was one good thing about being locked up here, the nurse had informed him that it was lunch in ten minutes and Dean was starving. He had only just arrived in the mental institution, or "care home" as the officials like to call it. As if they really care!

He made his way along the white-washed hallways, which were '_decorated_' with sporadic examples of art that the various residents had made over the past few years. Art, being a loose term, Picasso would probably have a heart attack if he saw their interpretation of abstract.

When he finally found his way to the canteen, using his hunter instincts to smell out the overcooked beef and mush that was supposed to be vegetable matter. God it smelt awful!

Hesitantly Dean made his way into the room, navigating his way through a series of low chairs, round tables (probably so no one could hurt themselves on the corner of the furniture) and the residents themselves, who were either bustling around slowly, mumbling to themselves, rocking in their seats, actually eating or sitting in the middle of the floor being coerced up by nurses. All in all, it was a nightmare.

Once Dean had been handed his tray of slop, served on a paper plate with plastic cutlery and a plastic cup, he began to search for an empty table, finding that they were all occupied. With a low groan he began looking around for the person who looked the least unstable, or who wasn't making a tumultuous amount of noise, eventually making his way over to the only table that only harbored one man, who was wearing an oversized beige trenchcoat and was staring at his bowl of vegetables as if they held the answer to the meanings of the universe, or as if he was trying to work out what type of vegetable the slush was made up off. Both questions seemed equally impossible to answer to Dean.

When he was just a few feet away from the table a young woman with wild hair took a few steps towards Dean, grabbing his arm and staring somewhere over his left shoulder.

"I wouldn't sit there if I were you, he is seriously crazy." And with that she wandered off again as if nothing had happened.

_Great, even the crazy person says he is crazy. Just my luck! Ah well, here goes nothing. By the looks of things this whole place is crazy anyway._

After his little pep-talk Dean closed the gap between himself and one of the empty seats at the strange man's table, noting how the man flinched violently and looked up at him confusedly, his baby blue eyes wide and his head tilted to the side.

"Um, hi, I'm Dean, what's your name?"

Dean received no response, the man in front of him pulling a pocket sized book out of his trenchcoat and flicking it open, thumbing through the worn pages. He showed no sign of hearing Dean. He just seemed to hunch his shoulders up higher and slink further back into his oversized trenchcoat.

"Hello?" Dean tried again hopefully, drawing back when Castiel suddenly shut his book, pushed his chair back, stood and wandered away with his back hunched up and tense as if he was attempting to ward off the outside world. Or Dean. Or both.

_Great, that went well. Even the freaks don't like me!_

With a small sigh Dean began to eat his tasteless meal alone, wondering whether this was the future he was doomed to. Maybe if he spent enough time in this place he wouldn't be able communicate with others either. Maybe he wouldn't even notice his loneliness in a while.

That man's people skills were certainly lacking for a start! He hadn't even been able to get a name out of him. This was a nightmare. How could Sammy just leave him here?

After Dean had finished his meal, and the one Cas had left behind, he headed to his room. It was completely empty apart from the five possessions he had unpacked earlier when he first arrived. His father's diary, a photo of Mary cuddling him whilst pregnant with Sam, a few clothes, his knife (security was definitely lacking) and the keys to his Impala. He couldn't bear to part with them.

When Dean was certain that he was going to go mad he got up and made his way to the '_relaxation_' room, which when he had been given a tour, looked anything but relaxing. There were people crying in one corner, someone screaming in the centre of the room and a young woman throwing toy building bricks against the wall.

It was certainly not a relaxing environment if you asked Dean's opinion, which no one did.

When he arrived at the room he was glad to see that the screaming, crying and throwing people were gone, replaced by an elderly woman doing a jigsaw puzzle, a younger man painting a rose and the man Dean saw at lunch. He was sitting cross legged in the corner of the room, bent almost double over his book, whci Dean now saw was a Bible.

He slowly made his way over to the man, for some reason he was drawn to him. The man seemed to be a nonentity to everyone else. Everyone seemed to ignore him, the nurses and other residents included. Dean however, thought he looked interesting. He was sure the man had a story to tell and if Dean was going to be stuck here, he might as well set himself a challenge. A challenge to find out who this man was and why he was here.

Dean stole himself, realizing he had been staring at the man and made his way over, plastering the trade-mark Winchester smile.

"Hey Chatty Cathy, how you doing?"

Unsurprisingly Dean gained no response, so he knelt down next to the silent man and leant in to talk to him again.

"Um, hello? I don't s'pose you talk at all do ya?" The man flinched a little, closing his Bible in trembling hands and standing, attempting to make his way out of the room. However, years of hunting had given Dean amazing reflexes and he was able to grab the other man's arm before he had so much as taken seven steps.

However, the man did not seem to take it well. A low whimper escaped deep from his throat and he tensed up, freezing in fear, his knees giving way. Dean grabbed him just before the man's head hit the floor and carefully lowered him down on one of the round-edged plastic seats.

"Hey, hey. I aint gonna hurt you. I just wanted to say hello, so um, yeah sorry." The other man gave a sharp nod of his head, the fear that had been crossing his face seemed to ebb away a little but his shoulders were still tense, his brow was furrowed and he was nibbling a plump lower lip anxiously.

"So, what's your name?" The man did not respond.

"Please, just tell me your name and I'll leave you be."

"C-Castiel." Castiel's voice was deeper than Dean had expected, it didn't quite seem to match his baby blue eyes and perfectly mussed up hair.

"Hey Cas, I'm Dean." Castiel gave a little nod and a twitch of the lip that could almost be a smile. Almost.

"Hello Dean."

"So, uh, what are you doing here?"

"I was sitting."

"I mean why are you in this shithole in the first place?" Castiel flinched a little at the swearing but chose not to answer. He had gone from not talking for over a month to three sentences in less than 5 minutes. It wasn't natural.

"Because nobody believes me. Nobody has any faith anymore. That is the problem with humanity."

"Believe what?"

"That I am an angel of the Lord."

"Oh, right. Well, I'm not an angel of the Lord. Sorry but you're gonna have to talk to me, plain human or nothing."

Dean kept his tone light and gave a small laugh but Cas didn't, instead he tilted his head quizzically in Dean's direction. The strange new man hadn't laughed at him or said he had gone mad like the others. Maybe he wouldn't be too bad, for a human that had no doubt sinned and blasphemed.

"No, I can see that you are not an angel of the lord. You have no grace, humans really do lack so much, corruption and hedonism haves destroyed your souls. Though your gardens are beautiful and you have amazing insects. Did you know there aren't any insects in Heaven?"

"No, I didn't." Dean didn't know what to do. He couldn't really take Castiel seriously, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything, let alone voice his disbelief in God. Or Heaven.

He watched as Castiel looked down at his hands sadly.

"I wish I could help humanity, but I don't have my wings anymore, they won't come out and I don't know why. I did try before, but I kept doing everything wrong. Father cast me out from my home and I-." Castiel suddenly stopped speaking, grabbing at his head with both hands and clawing at his skull as if he was trying to tear away his scalp. He let out an animalistic wail and let out an ear piercing scream, drawing the attention of every resident in the room and forcing Dean to cover his ears.

"Cas? Castiel? What is it? What's wrong?"

The man seemed to shrink back into his trench coat, sobbing and hitting his head against his arms, letting out muffled whimpers until a nurse came in and wrapped a comforting arm around him, leading him away from the room leaving Dean behind, dumbfounded.

The second nurse who had come running in sat down at the table next to Dean, giving him a patronizingly cheerful smile.

"Sorry about that sweetie, poor Castiel often has little episodes." _Little?!_

"What's wrong with him?"

"There is nothing _wrong _with him. It is no secret that he suffers from multiple panic-like attacks such as the one you witnessed. I cannot talk to you about his official diagnosis, but it is great that you managed to get through to him, he never usually talks."

"Yeah, great. Like that ended well!"

"The episode wasn't your fault Dean, all you can do for Castiel is be there for him. Heaven knows he could do with a friend." _Heaven, oh the irony!_

"But what's with the whole angel tnhing?"

"It is one of his symptoms, poor lamb. But as long as he is happy…" The nnurse trailed off when one of the patients called out.

"Daisy!"

"Coming sweetheart." She called back, giving Dean an apologetic smile, "sorry, I'd better go. Just holler if you need anything, I know that settling in during your first week can be tough."

"Thanks." Dean watched as the nurse turned, hips swaying tantalizingly. God he would do anything to grab her ass and kiss her. But that was not an option. He would probably end up in the secure ward. It looked as though Dean's womanizing days were over for now.

With a small sigh Dean made his way back to his room, half wondering what was going on with Castiel and half trying to come up with a way to bust out of this joint. Whatever Sammy said about him needing some time off to get his head in order, this was not the place to do it…

**To be continued…**

**YAY, I am so excited for this story, I have the whole thing planned and am planning on making it quite long, but only if there is sufficient interest. I will try to upload 2 chapters a week, but it may end up being one a week xxx**

**Please leave a review, comment or suggestion…they make my day and really motivate me :D xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Hey everyone, sorry this took a while :S The next update will be quicker. Thank you so much for the reviews, they mean a lot! Enjoy…**

Dean made his way down to the relaxation room, again. This was his third day in the institute and he was going mad. At least his first day had been fairly eventful, meeting Castiel and getting settled in, but yesterday had been almost physically painful, the minutes dragging on for hours, the hours for days. Or at least that's how it felt to Dean. There was nothing to do in this place!

He had spent the whole day alone, what with Cas seemingly disappearing off the face of the Earth after his episode. Dean supposed that Castiel was getting some rest, or was still freaking out, he was no psychiatrist but it was clear to him that something was seriously wrong with his new friend. If that's what you could call their new relationship. They had only known each other for around an hour and it hadn't exactly gone smoothly after all. But still, Dean felt as if Cas needed him and he was therefore glad to see the man sitting in the same corner as before, playing a game of chess on his own.

"Hello Castiel, you um, feeling better."

"Yes." Dean sighed, it looked like Chatty Cathy had had her string broken.

"Good, it's just, I was worried about you I guess. Y'gave me a bit of a shock."

"I'm sorry Dean."

"Um, so can I play with you?" Dean nodded towards the chess game, slightly amused that this strange man managed to play by himself. Strange.

"I don't know, can you play chess?"

"That's not what I meant, I know the rules. My nerdy brother taught me once when Dad was…away. Anyway, do you mind if I play?"

"I am totally indifferent Dean…seriously. I can play either way."

Well, do you want my company or not?

"White or black?" Cas gave another ghost of a smile.

"Black."

"I'll be white then." Cas looked down fondly at the white Knight and smiled. It kind of reminded him of himself. He was a warrior of Heaven after all. Part of God's army against sin. The knight protected its king, he protected his God.

"Right then." Dean sank down on the ground next to Castiel, snapping Cas out of his reverie and feeling rather awkward. He hadn't meant to mention his father in this place. It bought up too many bad memories. But his father had been saving people, hunting things. Therefore, his alcoholism and countless disappearances when Dean was six were understandable. It was his duty as an older brother to single-handedly look after his baby brother. And if he got hurt once and a while when Dad was stressed, or he had to starve himself for up to a week at a time so Sammy could eat, Dean believed it was worth it. Sammy came first. Always.

His dad wasn't a bad person.

Not really.

Well, that is what Dean kept telling himself.

Castiel settled back again and set about putting all of the pieces back into the starting position, handling each one with over-the-top care as if they were made of glass rather than plastic.

As soon as they began to play it became clear that Cas was going to hammer Dean, he calculated each move with precision and thought for a ridiculous amount of time before each move, whereas Dean didn't. He had always been the type to get up and go. To take action. It was the hunter instinct. God he would do anything to be out hunting right now. He was bored of chess, it was more Sammy's things to play board games, he loved to shoot targets in his spare time. Shoot first, think later. But, it turns out, that his usual tactic wasn't great for chess.

After being beaten three times Dean was glad to see the nurse from the other day, and he was doubly glad when she notified everyone that dinner was ready.

"Come on then Cas." Dean was already on his feet when he heard the thunk of the chess pieces hitting the ground. He looked back and saw that Cas was grabbing at his short, dark hair, pulling a little with his head bowed and his eyes screwed shut.

"Cas, what's wrong? What is it?" Dean bent back down next to Castiel and placed a hand on his shoulder, giving the man a gentle shake.

"M-make it stop Dean. P-please." Cas sounded dreadful, his voice cracking as tears welled up in his eyes. He let out a low groan and bit down on his lip, rocking backwards and foreword until he drew blood.

"Cas, Cas, what do you want me to stop?" Dena was getting really worried now, he wanted to run and get help but Cas was gripping onto his wrist so tightly that he couldn't move, and when he tried to yell his voice seemed to fail him.

"Make them stop." Cas slumped foreword, forcing Dean to catch him and draw the sobbing man close to his chest.

"Who stop?" Dean only just managed a croak. _Why is my throat so dry?_

"The voices. The angels, they're so loud. They keep, they keep telling me to…" Cas was broken off by a choked sob and Dean sighed, he didn't have a clue what to do other than to draw Castiel in and hug him. Yeah it was chick-flick, but there was nothing else he could do.

When Castiel eventually stopped crying Dean pulled away from the embrace, relieved that he could do so without coming across as completely heartless.

"Cas, are you alright?"

"Y-yes. They've stopped now. You made them stop, t-thank you."

"Uh, sure. Anytime. Just, y'know, try and tune out of Angel FM ok, angel radio doesn't look like easy-listening and you look like you need to relax, no offence. Anyay, wanna go to dinner before I eat my own hand?" A look of terror crossed Cas' face.

"No Dean, you can't do that!"

"It was an expression Cas, a figure of speech. Chill!"

"Oh, right." Castiel stood, his brow still slightly furrowed in confusion and his head tilted sideways. Dean gave him a reassuring smile and made his way to the canteen, Cas close behind him.

Castiel made his way over to the far corner of the room, seemingly where he felt safest, and sank down into a chair, whilst Dean went up to the counter and grabbed his meal, thankfully pizza rather than mush.

He sank down next to Cas and grinned after eating his first slice in three mouthfuls.

"Aren't you getting any? It's good."

"I am an angel Dean, a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent, I do not need food." Dean frowned at this, he hadn't failed to notice how skinny the man was and how his spine protruded painfully through his trench coat when Dean was hugging him. This was clearly why. Castiel was starving himself, whether he realized it or not.

"Man, you're too skinny; I guess your meatsuit needs food even if your multi-dangly wavey bits don't."

"I am a celestial being, my vessel, Jimmy, does not need sustenance any more."

"Hmmm." Dean decided that he was fighting a loosing battle, but he couldn't help noticing how Castiel looked exhausted and how his hands shook. He was clearly malnourished, but there was nothing Dean could do. He was no psychiatrist or dietitian.

Once Dean had eaten fourth helpings of pizza, being rewarded by a smirk and smile from the canteen staff, he made his way back to his own room. Today hadn't been too bad so far, but he was determined to leave. He liked Cas, he really did, but Sammy always came first and there was no time like the present.

It was too dangerous to hunt solo and he would be damned if he let anything happen to his little brother.

Dean stalked down the corridor, stealth and silence had always been his strong points, they had to be as a hunter. And, the exit was his prey. He was nearly there, admittedly he had no idea how he was going to open the door, which had about seventy safety locks on.

He was so close now, so close to freedom when he bumped into something solid, knocking it to the ground.

"What the hell?" Dean looked down and saw that he had knocked over a person and sighed, assuming it was one of the nurses, but then he noticed the beige trench coat.

"Shit, Cas are you ok?" Dean stared down the man who was huddled on the floor, shaking violently. Castiel let out a tiny whimper, but seemed to relax when he recognized Dean's voice.

"I'm sorry man, I didn't see you there." Dean uncertainly leant foreword and pulled the smaller man up, trying to ignore the guilt creeping up at him when Cas' wide blue eyes met his own green ones.

Castiel gave a small nod, tilting his head when Dean jerked back, noting how close he was to the other man and feeling uncomfortable. Castiel flinched and tilted his head in confusion.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"What? No, just personal space."

"Sorry."

"So Cas, what are you doing out after curfew? I thought an angel would follow rules."

"You haven't read the Bible have you?"

"Nope."

"Not all angels follow the rules, you clearly haven't heard about Lucifer."

"What, you mean the devil?" Castiel flinched at the name but gave another, almost imperceptible nod.

"Yes."

"Well, what were you doing then?"

"I was walking dean. It is a human activity I know, it really is quite tedious after a while but it helps me clear my thoughts. I do prefer flying though, but I cannot do that anymore. Not without my wings." Cas looked down at his hands sadly so Dean quickly changed the subject.

"What were you thinking about?"

"I was contemplating what a bee would do if he was in love with another male bee. I know that dad doesn't care about the sexuality of humans, but I wondered if this extends to bees. Surely as long as they still make honey it wouldn't matter. I will have to ask him when he raises me back to heaven. I do like heaven…there are many beautiful gardens full of flowers. There are no insects though, in that way Earth is far superior."

"Oh, right. Of course you were." _Well I wasn't expecting that!_

"So what were you doing Dean?"

"Escaping."

"Why?"

"My little brother needs me. We are hunters; he can't go it alone much longer."

"Ok then, what do you think?"

"Think? About what?"

"The bees."

"I dunno, I've never given it much thought."

"You should. I guess you want to get going then?"

"Uh yeah, I guess I should." Dean turned his back on Cas, heading back to the door.

"See you at breakfast." Dean turned again.

"No, Cas, I'm leaving. Properly, I'm not coming back."

"See you at breakfast." Cas said this with a knowing smile, repeating himself once more as he turned away to head back to his own room.

_No you won't._

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter, please leave a review, they mean a lot and keep me sane! xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**A longer chapter this time. As the review from squidgy suggested, I have gone into more Dean detail this chapter. I was planning on adding it a bit later, but you were right and it all kinda flowed out, haha… I wasn't even fully sure about his story before now but here we are :D I really hope you enjoy it! Please leave a review xxx**

Chapter 3

Dean sighed deeply and pulled up a seat next to Castiel, complete with a bowl of Cornflakes in hand.

"Hello Dean." Castiel did not look at all surprised that Dean's escape attempt had failed.

"Hey Cas. I guess you knew this would happen."

"Yes, no one ever gets out of here."

"I will, that nurse just appeared out of nowhere, but next time I will get the hell out of this godforsaken place!"

"Don't blaspheme Dean, blasphemy is a sin." Dean was about to tell Cas that blasphemy could stick it, but he didn't want to loose his only friend in this place so he bit back his retort.

"Do you want to do something today? I have a game of snakes and ladders if you like. My brother bought it for me during his last visit."

"Can't I'm in solitary after breakfast, Meg says I need to learn the rules, _it will be good in the long run Dean, you must understand that all of this is for your own benefit._" Dean's voice took on a high, sarcastic tone at the end of the sentence and he crunched down angrily on his cornflakes, crunching them with far more vigor than Cas deemed necessary. Not that he had ever eaten Cornflakes.

"So, when was your last visit from your brother, Cas?"

"Three years ago."

"Oh, right."

"He's just busy. I don't mind, you get used to it after a while. Anyway, I quite like being on my own." _Busy, more like he's a jerk!_

"Don't you miss him?"

"Yes." Cas looked away from Dean, his face completely void of any expression and to Dean it was clear he had shut down.

He was about to offer Castiel some words of comfort when a nurse came over, smiling apologetically when she informed him that he had to go to the '_reflection room. _'

"Seya Cas." Castiel did not respond. _Great! This is just fan-bloody-tastic!_

Dean followed the nurse, grumbling under his breath the whole way and downright shouting when he was guided into a white and had the door shut behind him.

"Hey, LET ME THE HELL OUT! YOU NEVER SAID YOU WERE LOCKIGN ME IN. LET ME OUT! HEY! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME, LET ME OUT OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KICK YOUR SORRY ASSES!" Dean completely flipped, punching the wall until his knuckles were bruised.

"LET ME OUT! PLEASE!" Dean gave up after an hour, curling up in the corner of the room, wrapping his hands over his head and trying to fight the rising panic. He couldn't believe this was happening all over again, it was bad enough being trapped in this institute, but being locked up in a room, he couldn't take it any more.

Dean's throat began to burn and his eyes were watering, but Dean could do nothing about it. No matter how many times he swallowed hard, the lump in his throat would not leave him be and soon tears were pouring out of his eyes.

He couldn't let this happen to him again, he had promised himself that he would never end up in a situation like this again. He needed to get out.

Dean stood again and resumed pummeling the door, he would have punched the wall in but it was covered in foam to ensure that no patient could hurt themselves.

"LET MEOUT."

Nothing.

"PLEASE, LET ME OUT. I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME. SAM! SAMMY, LET ME OUT. SAAAAAAAM!" Dean's cries became more and more desperate until he found himself collapsing to the ground, and retching up his cornflakes all over the floor, clutching his stomach and immediately resuming his calls to Sammy as soon as he had control of his throat.

"SAM!" Oh God, Dean had to get to Sam, he didn't know where his little brother was, he could be being hurt right now. He could already be hurt, and Dean could not go and rescue him.

_Suddenly Dean was seven again, bleeding on the floor with two broken ribs, a sprained wrist and a bloody nose. You could forget a black eye, the whole side of his face was a wash of purple and blue bruising and he couldn't move. He couldn't breathe, let alone stand. And even if he could, he was locked into the box room. It was the only room in the house without a window to escape out of. Dean had checked._

_It wasn't the first time, since their Mum had died, that Dean had been locked in the room multiple times for misbehaving, or because his Dad was drunk, or both, but this time was worse. He could hear his three year old baby brother wailing in the next room and although Dean didn't know that his Dad was hurting his baby brother, he couldn't help but worry. John had never crossed that line before, it was always Dean that bore the brunt of his anger, but fear of the unknown was crushing him even more than his Dad's boot had._

_Dean struggled to breath, pummeling against the door to the box room until his vision blacked out and he fainted from a combination of pain and fear._

"Dean, Ok, Dean? Can you hear me Dean? I need you to calm down, it's alright, we're going to get you out. Can you breathe into this for me? Dean, can you hear me, just nod your head sweetie." Dean found himself being lifted up by the arms and tried to support himself, but his legs wouldn't cooperate and he found himself crashing to the ground again.

When he finally gained his breath back Dean let out a choked whimper and mumbled for his brother under his breath.

"Pardon sweetie?"

"Sammy. I-I need Sammy. I need to talk to him, he might be hurt, and I need to help him."

"Ok Dean, just breathe, try and calm down, you don't have to go back in there, I promise."

"Sammy."

"Your brother is fine Dean, don't worry, I'll call him right now and see if he can come over."

"T-thanks." Dean continued to sit on the floor but when a hand was extended to him e grabbed it, determined not to look weak any more. He was a hunter. Nothing could hurt him anymore. Especially not his dad, or the doctor who was lifting him up and speaking in a low, reassuring voice.

Dean forced a smile onto his face and wiped his eyes, allowing himself to be led into the doctor's office and settling down into a plush white seat.

"Dean, biscuit?"

"What? No, do I look like I want a freakin biscuit. I want a friggin get out of jail free card, can't you just let me the hell out of here. "

"You know I can't do that Dean, you need our help, but I am here if you need to talk."

"Yeah, well you can stick your chick flick crap back where it came from. And even if I did want to talk, you are the last person on Earth I would talk to!"

"Dean, you have to understand, I am only trying to help. Do you want to talk about earlier, how you reacted to being confined?"

"Nope."

"What about how you are feeling?"

"Nope."

"Maybe about your relationship with your younger brother, when I met him he seemed to be very concerned about your breakdown."

"I am not friggin broken. What the hell do you want from me, a bouquet of roses, maybe some Mozart, we can do the waltz if you like and then make sweet, sweet love on the beach, in the sunset?! Cos no offence, but I'm as straight as a die." _And you're fugly!_

"Dean." The doctor's voice took on a warning tone. "It is all very well taking on a macho attitude, but if you ever need to talk."

Dean stood abruptly and stormed out of the office, slamming the door in the doc's face and storming to Castiel's room. He couldn't quite understand how he ended up banging on his friend's door, but he was relieved when Castiel opened the door.

"Dean, I thought you were in solitary."

"Yeah, well I busted out."

"Oh. Come in." Dean did so, not failing to notice how plain Cas' room was, especially for someone who had been here for over three years. The walls were cream; there wasn't a single picture, photo, piece of artwork. Not even a freakin teddy or something. Nothing. Nada. Even the blanket was beige, the same shade as Castiel's trench coat. Speaking of which, Cas was still wearing it. Didn't he ever wash the thing?

"Sorry."

"What for?"

"Do you want to play sorry?" Castiel reached under his bed and pulled out one of the many board games he had stored under his bed.

"Sure." Dean chose the green pieces, Cas the blue and they began to play in companionable silence, that was until there was a knock on the door.

Cas stood and opened it, pulling away when a different nurse, blonde this time, came into the room.

"Ah, Dean, they said I might find you here. You have a visitor."

"Sammy?"

"Yes." Dean sprung to his feet, knocking the board game to the floor and hurrying to the door before turning to Cas.

"Uh, sorry, it's my brother, I-"

"I understand Dean." Cas knelt down and began picking up the counters, his face taking on the blank, stoic expression that occurred when he was distressed or upset.

"Sorry." Castiel didn't reply.

But Sam was here, so he turned his back on the man in the trench coat and half ran, half jogged into the reception.

"Sammy! Oh god, you're ok. I thought-I thought you'd bee hurt hunting."

"Dean." Sam sounded as if he was trying to suppress his emotions but somewhere in his tone Dean could hear love…no…anger.

"Sam? What is it?"

"Nothing, it's just, we've talked about this. I wasn't hunting Dean, I was in no danger."

"Oh, yeah, of course not." Dean smiled softly, Sam didn't want the pretty receptionist or the doctor to overhear their conversation. Those Stanford brains again!

"Wanna go for lunch? Five star the cuisine here." Sam gave a small grin, the sarcasm; it was almost like having his old De back. The brother who kept him on the straight and narrow, raised him, stood between him and his Dad, no matter how much pain he was in. _It was all my fault, I'm sorry Dean, I should have helped you._

Sam followed Dean into the canteen, grabbed a coke from a vending machine and sank into the chair next to his brother, who was leaning in to talk to him.

"So, did you get it?"

"What Dean?" _Don't get exasperated, it's not his fault._

"The Wendigo, did you catch it? Kill it?" Dean took on a low voice, staring around to check that no one was listening in.

"Dean, there was no Wendigo."

"Sam, it's fine, no ones listening. You can tell me the truth here."

"Dean, there is no such thing as a Wendigo, it's all in your head De. It's not real."

"Sam!" Dean punched the table hard, frustration sparking, his eyes alive with a mix of fear and anger.

"Dean please, you have to listen."

"No, you listen Sammy, I know you wee on a hunt. You called my other, other mobile. Remember? The other night, you told me about a hunt that Bobby found for you."

"No, Dean. I didn't. I haven't called yet, it has only been a few days. I was leaving you to settle in."

"You did!"

"No Dean, you don't have a mobile, let alone multiple mobiles. The nurse took yours away so they could monitor your contact with others and your behavior."

"No, you definitely called. Bobby was at the cabin, doing research. Don't lie to me Sammy."

"No Dean, Bobby is the manager of Singer Enterprises, manufacturing car parts …remember?"

"But…the Wendigo?"

"No Dean, Mr Wendigo, your old boss. Skinny, tall, pale, gangly looking. He fired you Dean, from the local mechanics, remember? That's why you're here Dean. You had a breakdown Dean, all of the stress, it was too much."

"You turned him into a monster in your mind to try and make sense of things, but he isn't. He's just a man, Dean. Please. Remember what the psychiatrist said? He said it was your minds coping mechanism. That's why you had trouble with Lisa, you were scared Dean. But its not your fault. You'll get better. You just need to remember."

"YOU'RE LYING!"

"No I'm not. Dean, you're sick. But I'm gonna get you better. I promise."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm fine."

"Yeah you do, you're scared Dean. And I understand, but you have to put this behind you. I know part of you knows this hunting thing is crap, and you have to start giving a damn."

"Sam, please." Dean ran his hand through his short hair and rubbed at his eyes, trying to scrub the frustration away.

"Don't Sam me like that. I need you to snap out of this Dean, I love you, but there is nothing I can do for you if you aren't prepared to help yourself."

"Don't you go all damn puppy eyed on me. You're not Sam; Sam wouldn't lie and say those things."

"Dean, I am real. I promise." Sam moved round and placed a hand on his brother's knee, but Dean just jerked away.

"Please Dean, I need you to be my brother again cos, just cos."

"I'm fine."

"Dean, you need to stop. This strong silent thing of yours, its crap."

"Back off, just cos I'm not caring and sharing…"

"Don't give me your flowers and rainbows rant. Listen I'm your brother, I just want to make sure your ok."

"I'm ok. I'm ok. OK. I swear the next person who asks if I'm gonna be ok, I'm gonna start throwing punches."

"Don't joke about that Dean." Sam sighed and wrapped an arm around his brother's shoulders, tightening his grip when Dean tried to pull away and pulling his older brother into a tight hug. Dean struggled a little for show, but slumped down and gave in, wrapping his arms around his little brother and burying his head into Sam's neck for just a moment.

He wasn't being sappy; he was just resting for a few seconds.

"Sam, when can I get out of here, man? I don't want to stay here any more. This place is driving me nuts."

"When the nurses say you are better."

"Please Sam."

"No, just grin and bear it for a few more weeks. Please." Dean pulled away angrily and stormed out of the room, leaving Sam with an overwhelming feeling of guilt and a luke-warm can of coke.

_I had to, Dean. I had to look after you. You sacrificed everything for me, there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. I love you Dean, but I had to do this. You will get better soon, you always pull through._

**So, a longer chapter this time. I really hope you enjoyed this, if you did please leave a review. I had a really crappy couple of days when writing this and reviews really do cheer me up. **

**Also, feel free to leave me any suggestions of plot that you would like to read.**

**See you soon xxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**I hope you are all prepared for some major angst…if not…get some chocolate at the ready! I am quite pleased with this one…PLOT TWIST and lots of Cas and Dean angst. A recipe for heaven in my books! Enjoy, and please leave a review!**

Chapter 4

Dean grinned. He couldn't quite believe his luck, well, luck had nothing to do with it; it was all Sammy's doing. But that was beside the point. He was free, and that was all that mattered!

After two months of back to back phone calls, major tantrums and downright begging Dean had managed to persuade his little brother to check him out early, and now he was back where he belonged, driving his baby with Sam in the passenger seat, bobbing his head along to Metallica, which was booming out of the open window on full volume.

He was in heaven, and had been for the past three weeks.

Yes he was being coerced into counseling sessions once a week and yes Sam was still stating that they were not hunters, but Dean could live with that. His brother would remember the truth about hunting soon. Dean was sure of it.

His only regret was that he had been forced to leave his only friend behind, Castiel. He had tried to talk the doctors and nurses round, stating that he and Sam would be able to care for Cas, but they said it was out of the question. For a while Dean had toyed with the idea of staying with the broken man, after all Cas had started speaking again, admittedly only to him, but it was a start and the nurses were over the moon with his progress.

And, if he was honest, there was something endearing about the strange man in the trench coat. He was easy to get on with, often they were able to spend time in companionable silence which would have been awkward with other people, and he was so refreshingly innocent and….angelic really.

But Dean had to get out of that place. And he was going back to visit Cas, that's where he and Sammy were currently heading, so it wasn't as if he had completely abandoned him.

Well, that's what Dean kept telling himself.

Cas was sitting on the couch in the television room with his knees drawn up to his chest. He hadn't said a word since Dean had left and it was safe to say that he had taken it hard. The nurses struggled to persuade him to even leave his room, depression had sunk in and Cas didn't bother responding to any of the help being offered.

He was tired, no exhausted, and he just wanted to be left alone, in his bed, to stare at the wall. He didn't even have the energy to read his Bible anymore, and he couldn't bring himself to care about that fact. He didn't care about anything anymore.

Whenever Cas did move he was struck by severe dizziness, his head spinning until he fainted. And then, the nurses were forced to force feed him, and then he would throw the food up- he was an angel of the lord after all, and then it would start all over again.

In the three and a bit weeks that Dean had been gone, he had only visited once, which happened to be the time that Cas ended up being emitted into hospital after having a seizure, his blood sugar levels having plummeted to dangerous levels.

They had been walking over to the relaxation room in silence when Cas had suddenly crumpled to the floor, his entire body shaking, his muscles going into violent spasms and his arms and legs jerking. Dean had done all he could, placing his leather jacked under Cas' head and rolling him onto his side, before being forced to watch in horror as the nurses took over, waiting for Cas to come round.

After that Castiel had been exhausted, falling asleep before the ambulance crew had even arrived and placed an IV in his arm. It was the only way they would be able to get any nutrients into the man's body without sticking a tube into his stomach, which they wanted to avoid considering they didn't want to put Castiel through any more trauma than necessary.

Dean hadn't been allowed to come with Castiel as he was not immediate family, so he had been forced to wait two weeks to see him again, which was why he was currently on the way to the care home, the one which he had so valiantly fought to escape.

It was ironic really.

Cas stared transfixed at the television screen, absorbing every word as if it were a prophecy from God.

"_Red Bull, It Gives You Wings!_"

Wings.

_I can get my wings back. I can go back home! I can go back to Heaven if I have my wings._

Cas got to his feet, ignoring the way in which the room span and made his way to the kitchen, sneaking past the cook who was trying to persuade one of the residents to eat something other than chocolate cookies and to try some "_lovely vegetables or a piece of fruit._"

It was easy really, too easy, and within no time Cas had been able to find three six packs of red bull, which were strictly for staff only during their long shifts, or for special occasions such as parties in the case of the residents. Cas himself had never tried any, and he could have kicked himself for not realizing that those simple cans held his ticket back to heaven.

Why hadn't he thought of it before?!

The only issue was that the advert had not specified how much he would need to drink in order to grow his wings back. Ideally he wanted them to come back within an hour so that he would have his wings before Dean came, he wanted to say goodbye before he returned to heaven and it would be great if he could show Dean his wings. It would be symbolic, a way in which to show Dean how much he meant to Cas and how supportive he had been.

After deciding that it would be best to drink all of the cans, Cas made his way back to the room, avoiding the nurses without drawing any attention to himself.

He then sank down on his bed, head spinning and downed the first can in five gulps. Then the second. And the third. And the fourth. And the fifth, until eventually he had consumed all eighteen cans. His hands were shaking violently and his dizziness had seemed to have increased, but Cas swore that he could feel the wings beginning to grow inside of him. He was convinced.

Castiel stood and made his way out of his room again, walking upstairs to the third floor of the building and staring around for an open window. But they were all locked, so bracing himself, Cas smashed one of them and clambering through the frame, grabbing onto the gutter and hauling himself onto the flat roof, hoping that he hadn't drawn any attention to himself. Not that it mattered; he would be able to fly away in just a couple of moments.

He grimaced a little as his stomach convulsed and seemed to come alive, but forced himself to keep the drink down. If he was sick then his wings may stop growing or recede. It would all be worth it in just a few moments. Cas' heart was pounding hard and fast against his chest, like a war-drum, or like the wings of a bird struggling to stay airborne. Or, like the wings of an angel.

It seemed like it was getting harder and harder to breathe, but Cas was sure that was just part and parcel of growing wings. He hadn't been expecting the process to be all rainbows and butterflies, he knew there would be some discomfort, but he didn't care. His brothers were waiting for him.

Dean pulled up outside the care home, turning off the engine of his beloved Impala and grabbing a bag from the backseat. He had bought Cas a game of Battleships and a truth or false card game. Sam followed close behind him, he didn't want to be here any more than Dean but knew he should offer his brother moral support.

That was when Dean spotted the figure on the roof. Shielding his eyes from the sun he looked up, wondering what workmen were doing so late in the afternoon, the sun being at its highest point and the temperature sweltering, but then he noticed that it was not workmen. There was only a single man on the roof, and he was wearing a trench coat.

A beige trench coat.

Cas' trench coat.

"CAS! CAS WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? GET AWAY FROM THE EDGEMAN, YOU'RE GONNA KILL YOURSELF. DON'T BE STUPID, WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS, JUST WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO COME ANDGET YOU! PLEASE CAS, TALK TO ME!" Cas was tempted not to reply, but it was Dean after all, and he could tell from Dean's tone that he was anxious or frightened, and the last thing Cas wanted to do was upset his friend.

"DEAN, DON'T WORRY. IT IS OK; I AM NOT ATTEMPTING TO TAKE MY OWN LIFE."

"WELL WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THEN?"

"I'M GOING TO FLY. I HAVE MY WINGS BACK."

"DAMN IT CAS, YOU CAN'T FLY!"

"I CAN DEAN, I AM AN ANGEL OF THE LORD. I DRANK RED BULL .IT GIVES YOU WINGS. I CAN FLY AGAIN; IT HAS RESTORED MY GRACE. I CAN FEEL IT."

"THAT'S AN ADVERT, CAS. IT'S A LIE, THAT STUFF DOESN'T LITETALLY BRING YOUR WINGS BACK, LISTEN TO ME!"

"IT DOES. I CAN FEEL THEM. DEAN, I JUST WANT TO FLY. I WANT TO GO HOME."

"CAS, PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM THE EDGE, JUST WAIT A MINUTE, SAMHAS GONE TO GET HELP. ONCE YOU GET DOWN WE CAN PLAY A BOARD GAME. I BOUGHT YOU A NEWONE, WE CAN ALL PLAY IT, THE THREE OF US, LIKE A FAMILY." Cas looked momentarily convinced and Dean thought that he was about to agree, but then his next words caused Dean's heart to stop.

"I'M SORRY DEAN."

Closing his eyes to stop the spinning, Cas leapt forwards off the edge, seeming to float in mid air for a moment. Dean allowed himself just a second of irrational hope before he watched Cas begin to plummet to the ground.

"CAS, NO!"

Dean felt his whole world snap back into 5 seconds worth of motion. He watched as Cas' trench coat billowed out behind him, his mouth slightly open in shock.

_My wings? What is wrong with my wings? Why won't they work? _A million questions flew around Castiel's head in the few seconds it took for him to reach the ground. And then there was nothing.

Dean felt his legs gave way, his own body meeting the ground at the same time as Cas' crashed into the concrete paving slabs.

Castiel had plummeted towards the earth and there was nothing Dean could do about it.

"Dean, come on man, talk to me. DEAN! Come on Dean, stay with me man." Dean was vaguely aware of his little brother placing both hands on his shoulders, looking him in the eye and shaking him gently, but Dean couldn't respond. He was completely numb, oblivious to his surroundings and the howling sirens around him.

"Dean? Stay strong man. I'm so sorry."

Sam gave up trying to verbally communicate with his brother, instead sitting down on the ground next to his brother and pulling Dean into a tight hug, rubbing his brothers back as he sobbed brokenly onto his chest, tears soaking through Sam's plaid top.

"It's ok Dean, you're gonna be ok. You always are, it will all be fine. I'm here for you man."

Dean didn't respond, but allowed a couple of ambulance staff to pull him up and wrap him in a couple of blankets, listening to them speaking to Sam about him, whipping up phrases such as "shock," "might faint," "disorientated" and "rapid pulse."

But none of that mattered.

Dean's beautiful angel had fallen.

**I am thinking of doing just one more chapter, unless anyone requests more. **

**Please leave a review to let me know what you think, they mean the world to me!**


	5. Chapter 5

**So, a nice long chapter to finish up…! Thank you for the reviews, I will respond individually in a minute…**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this! Please drop a line; this is the last chapter after all!**

**Chapter 5**

Dean sobbed brokenly into Sam's shoulder and that alone terrified his little brother.

Sam had never seen his brother so upset, not when he was being abused, not when their father had died, not when they had visited their mother's grave. Never.

Seeing Dean like this was heartbreaking, and all Sam could do was hope that Cas would pull through, for everyone's sake.

But the prognosis did not look good. He had captured a glimpse of Cas' broken and battered body when the paramedics peeled him from the floor and it was anything but pretty, blood everywhere, twisted limbs. Sam found it impossible to imagine how the hospital staff would be able to put him back together again.

Seven hours after Cas had been admitted a nurse came into the room, she had been briefed about Dean's mental instability and had prepped herself with her warmest, friendliest smile and spoke in her softest voice as she approached the man.

He looked like he could do with being admitted, his eyes sunken and red-rimmed, his whole body shaking, especially his hands and he was so pale that the nurse could have counted his freckles if she had the time.

"Sam and Dean Winchester?"

"Yes." Sam stood, not quite sure why he had done so, and sat back down again awkwardly. He didn't know what to do with himself, apart from hope for good news.

"My names Anna, I've been up with Castiel in the intensive care unit, I have some news."

Dean looked up, bracing himself for the worst.

"I am afraid I don't have much good news, Castiel is currently on a ventilator to help him breathe and his injuries are extensive, but he seems to have got away with it, the doctors think he will pull through given the correct care and treatment. And a bit of TLC." Sam nodded, relief flooding his senses but Dean showed no reaction at all. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. He felt numb.

The nurse continued gently, settling down in a seat next to Dean and resting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Your friend has four broken ribs, a fractured tibia, his left arm was pretty much shattered, but he should regain some movement given time. Also, his left leg is broken, his right badly bruised, he has sustained a sprained wrist, has cracked his head, broken his nose as well as several fingers…"

"Oh god." Dean felt sick.

"And he has a punctured lung, but he is fighting hard."

"Is there anything we can do for him?" Sam eventually found his voice, shell shocked by how long the diagnosis was. Poor Cas.

"Just be there for him sweetheart. You can come and see him now if you like."

"Yes, that would be great. Thanks."

Sam stood ready to follow the nurse, gingerly helping Dean to his feet and swearing when his brother collapsed to the ground, vomiting violently all over the floor.

"S-sorry." Apologies began to rush out of Dean but the nurse just smiled and rubbed his back soothingly whilst Sam propped Dean up against him as his brother heaved. He began to massage Dean's chest comfortingly, just over Dean's heart to help with the burning pain.

"S'okay man, relax, it'll be fine, the nurse said the doc thinks he'll pull through. Let's go and see him now, yeah?"

"Uh…" Dean gestured to what had been the contents of his stomach.

"Don't you worry about that sweetheart, you just go and see your friend." The nurse pointed out the direction to the room where Cas had been moved and gave the brothers another reassuring smile. Poor dears, it looked like they had some hard months ahead of them.

Dean took a deep breath before walking into the room, feeling as if he was going to be sick again if he had anything left inside him, which luckily he didn't.

He couldn't bring himself to touch Castiel, he looked so fragile, lying on his back with tubes coming out of every orifice and bandages and slings holding him together. Without them, it looked like he would shatter.

Sam nudged Dean forward a little; it was the only encouragement he could give.

"Uh, hey Cas." Castiel did not respond, keeping his eyes closed.

Dean cautiously rested a hand on two of Cas' fingers which were not broken and watched as the nurse gently remove Castiel's face mask, pronouncing that now he was conscious he should be able to breathe on his own.

"D'n."

"Hey man, how ya feeling?"

"H'rts. Legs…"

"I know man; the nurses have got you drugged up to the max though."

"Dn't undr'stnd."

"What don't you understand?"

"W-where?"

"You're in the hospital Cas, you got pretty bust, you'll be ok though."

"But, m-my wings."

"Cas, you don't have wings. I'm sorry." Cas looked even more broken and Dean felt like a class A jerk, the last thing Cas needed was a talk on mental instability, especially not from Dean..

"But you're still my guardian angel." Yes it was soppy, but…

"Want t'go h'me."

"I know, I'll se what I can do, I promise I will do my best, but you just need to rest for now."

Castiel was already asleep.

_Two Months Later…_

"You ready man?"

"Yes Dean, I am ready to get out of here."

It had taken a lot of letters and back and fro-ing…but Sam had eventually persuaded the nurses and doctors at the institute that he would be able to care for Cas with his girlfriend, that Castiel would be better surrounded by those he loved, and who loved him.

"Right then." Dean cautiously lifted Cas up and placed him gently into a wheelchair, being careful not to knock him around too much.

When Cas let out a grunt of pain Dean froze and immediately began to apologize.

"It is alright Dean, you were just helping me."

Dean smiled at that and wheeled Cas out of the hospital, lifting him into the Impala whilst Sam collapsed the wheelchair and put it in the trunk.

Dean grinned at the resounding clunk of the trunk being slammed shut. There was an essence of finality about it and Dean hoped that this would be and end to all the hardship in his life, and Castiel's.

When they pulled up beside Sam's house the door swung over to reveal a beautiful blonde, dressed in shorts and a baggy Smurf top.

"Hey sweetheart!" Jess hurried over to the car and enveloped Sam in a tight hug before he managed to take three steps away from the car.

"hello gorgeous, you alright."

"All the better for seeing you." Jess leant in and kissed Sam deeply on the lips, tugging at his hair a little before remembering herself.

Dean climbed out of the car and shot her a lopsided grin.

"Hey Jess."

"Hi Dean." Jess gave Sam's brother a tight hug before watching as Sam pulled out the wheelchair and Dean lifted Cas out of the back, placing him on the seat.

"You must be Castiel, it's lovely to meet you at last, I have heard all about you."

"It is a pleasure to meet your acquaintance." Jess smiled gently and pecked Cas on the forehead before taking Sam's hand tight and leading Cas and Dean inside.

It would be a fresh start for all of them, and Dean was determined to make it a better life for everyone. He wouldn't let his mental illness take hold again, he wasn't a hunter, his only job was to help Cas now.

Within days Dean was in the kitchen, having found a new talent. Who'd have thought he would be a half decent cook, but of course, it was all for Cas.

The recipe that he was currently undertaking was to make Angel Food cake. According to Sam's research it is a type of sponge cake that first became popular in the late 19th century. Apparently the lightness meant that it is known as the "food of the angels".

Dean took Sam's word for it, and so did Cas, because for the first time in years he ate an entire meal without a single complaint.

_Six Months Later…_

Things were going well, Dean hadn't relapsed, Cas was beginning to eat foods other than Angel Cake, Sam had been involved in his most successful trial yet, Jess had a new job as a nursery school teacher and they were all happy.

But of course things never ran smoothly and mental illness can't be controlled. It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.*

This was why, when Cas was back up on his feet, that Dean led Castiel on his first hunt.

Dean went immediately into hunting mode, stalking the Wendigo before it could stalk them. He was holding out his imaginary gun and Dean was so convinced by its existence that Cas couldn't help but be drawn in. He could almost see it.

Almost.

Wendigo

Cas followed Dean around the front of the house, running beside him and smiling gleefully. This was definitely better than playing board games.

"There…" Dean pointed. "Can you see it running towards us?

Cas could definitely see something, a tall white beast, shining and sprinting towards him.

It moved so fast and suddenly it was upon them and Cas was enveloped by light.

Headlights.

The last thing he and Dean heard was the screeching of the roaring beast…an animalistic war cry…a car's breaks.

It was almost as if everything was going in slow motion and Cas realized just in time what was happening.

Without a seconds hesitation Cas threw his entire body weight at dean, sending them both crashing to the floor, jarring his newly healed bones and gasping in a combination of shock and fear, the adrenaline had finally rushed out of his body and before Castiel knew what was happening he blacked out, still lying across Dean's back..

Sam jolted up from the book he was reading when he heard the squealing of tires, sighing and wondering if he was ever going to get through the volume, let alone be able to read the notes from his case in court tomorrow. As if being a lawyer wasn't enough work, caring for Cas and Dean was pushing him over the edge. Not that it was their fault at all, but it was hard work trying to keep one eye on his brother who kept trying to sneak out in the middle of the night to _hunt _and the other on Cas, who constantly tagged along a few steps behind his brother.

It was hard work to say the least.

With a grumble Sam stood and pulled back the cream curtains that he had picked out with Jess, his fiancé. She was one of the few blessings in his life. Despite everything with Dean and Cas she stuck with him and supported him, staying by his side no matter how hard times got.

Sam did a double take.

There, lying on the ground by a white, parked 4 by 4 were two crumpled figures, one lying on top of the other.

"SHIT!" Sam sprang into action, having recognized Cas' trench coat. The man refused to take it off and even slept in the damn thing, Sam would have known it anywhere.

_Oh God, oh God let them be alright. Dammit Dean!_

Jess came hurrying into the room in nothing but one of Sam's over-sized plaid shirts and a concerned expression.

"What's wrong sweetie, can I do anything to help? Is it work stuff again, I can call you in sick if you want?

Sam ignored her, sprinting outside and over to the 4 by 4, cursing its size and weight. If it had hit Cas and his brother, who knows how much damage could have been caused.

_No, no, no, no, no…_

Sam kept up a constant litany in his mind, going into complete denial. He could see blood on the ground next to Dean, crimson and glistening in the sunlight, but when he cautiously rolled Cas off of his brother he couldn't see any wounds on his brother's clothes, it was Cas' blood. He quickly took his brother's pulse to be sure, but it was fine and his brother's chest was rising and falling clearly. He was alive and safe, just unconscious. Probably from shock.

For one hideously selfish seconds Sam let out a sigh of relief, his brother was safe, but the sensation was immediately replaced with guilt. Castiel was hurt and here he was allowing relief to rush over him.

Cautiously Sam rolled Castiel onto his back and found the source of all the blood, a deep but relatively clean wound on his arm where he had wrapped himself around Dean to break his fall. It would hurt like a bitch and probably need stitches, but it wasn't life threatening by any means. Sam pulled off his shirt and pressed it to the wound in an attempt to staunch the flow of blood, a sense of reality coming back and banishing the numbness of the past few seconds.

He was now aware of a sobbing woman to his left, probably the driver of the car, and hurried footsteps. He ignored them, focusing on doing what he could for Castiel in order to make him more comfortable.

When the footsteps stopped Sam felt gentle hands on his shoulders. Jess.

"Sam, are they…" Jess' voice cracked and Sam could tell that she was in tears.

"No, no they're fine. Castiel has cut his arm but Dean seems to be ok, a few bruises on the side of his head but apart from that they got away unscathed. Thank God."

"Thank God." Jess repeated Sam's last line, slightly dazed.

She knelt down next to Dean and carefully lifted him up, shaking him gingerly until the man grimaced, let out a low moan and batted her hands away.

"W-what?"

"Shhh, Dean, it's ok, you're ok sweetie, just relax, you had a nasty shock."

"Cas, where's Cas? Is he-"

"Castiel is fine, he just cut his arm up a little, don't worry."

"It was my fault, I could have got him killed-I-" Dean was horrified when his throat began to burn and he felt his eyes begin to sting. _I will not cry. I will not cry...dammit._

Sam turned when he heard muffled sobs coming from his brother and he shot Jess a desperate look. Understanding she moved over and swapped positions with him, tending to Cas' arm whilst Sam moved over to his brother, pulling him into a tight hug whilst Dean trembled in his arms.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, it's ok, you're ok. C'mon man, this aint like you, c'mon, don't cry, please De-I've got ya."

Dean nodded into his shirt and tried to restrain himself but couldn't. All thoughts of staying calm leaving him as realization crushed him.

He could have gotten Sammy killed. It was no Wendigo, the only monster here was him, he was the one that had almost killed his angel and Dean realized that he had been wrong. In denial, as Sam called it. And now, now he had to make it up to his friend.

Shakily Dean got to his feet and hobbled over to Cas, scooping him up and out of Jess' grasp and cuddling him close. After a few minutes Castiel stirred, blinking up at Dean, confused

"W-what? Dean? Are you ok?"

"Yes, yes I'm fine. I'm so sorry, I almost got you killed, I could have…"

"No Dean, I'm fine. I saved you…"

"Yeah, yeah, you did Cas, I'd have been dead for sure. I'm so sorry man; it was all in my head…I could have killed you." Dean burst into tears again and Cas flinched back from the sound, looking up at Jess and Sam, wordlessly asking them what he should do.

They didn't know either, so Cas wrapped an awkward arm around Dean's waist and patted his shoulder tentatively, as if he was afraid he would hurt the trembling man who had curled completely in himself.

"Don't worry Dean, I'm fine, we're both fine. I, I think I was always meant to be your guardian angel, you have given me purpose, Dean."

Dean gave a small nod and smiled, getting to his feet and helping Cas up with him, both leaning on the other for support. Cas grimaced a little when Dean resumed the pressure on his cut arm.

It hurt but he knew that whilst he was Dean's guardian angel, Dean was his hunter who would always be there to protect him, from anything and anyone.

Even if their hunts did sometimes go wrong.

Because after all, he himself was not perfect.

He was no angel.

**The End**

***Quote from Bridget Jones that seems to sum up my life!**

**I hope this wrapped up well and that you all enjoyed it!**

**Pretty please leave a review, it meanest the world to me and provides me with a distraction from real life- which to be blunt, is pretty rubbish at the moment! … But at least I have Jensen Ackles…in my dreams!**


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